Dear Max: 1st Mother'sDay

Sunday, May 10, 2009
Dear Max,
It's finally here... my first official mothers day! A day to celebrate Mother's. I loved Mother's Day growing up. It was a day that I got to pamper my mommy and let her know how much I love, admire and cherish her. That has never changed, however, when your daddy and I started to experience the pain and hurt that comes along with infertility and waiting, mothers day became a day filled with the painful reminder that I was not a mother. Some years were easier than others, but the pain associated with those hard years is still so close to the surface, even on this first mothers day. I will never forget one year walking into relief society to a room filled with balloons, flowers and treats all in honor of mothers. While the reasonable side of my emotion understands that mothers day is the celebration of the mothers around us - the empty and painful emotions could not be contained. I broke into tears and had to leave church. Ever since then I've always attended church on Mother's Day Sunday with my guard up and with caution. I had a strategy... it was go to sacrament meeting and always leave before the closing song... that way the poor deacon that was handing out the mothers day treat at the end of church didn't have to encounter the ever so awkward... do I give her a mothers day gift or not? She's not a mom...what do I do? And Deacon's aren't always the most tactful of young fellow's. So to avoid this all together has always been for the best. And of course then theirs your poor daddy... In the first couple years your daddy and I were married your daddy started buying me mothers day cards (I was to be the future mother of his children). Well, then the year came where he bought me a mothers day card as he had in years past... I'm sure you can imagine how that went over.

So to come home Saturday night to a line up of cards and gifts from my boys was what we have all been waiting for. Finally I'm a mom! Max, I'm so blessed to be your mother. You have healed my heart and given me the greatest gifts. To love you is loving like I have never loved before. I've been so blessed to have an amazing mother. I pray that I can be as thoughtful, loving, kind, fun, spiritual, compassionate, fun and wonderful. I know I said fun twice - it's cause Grammie is so fun! I'm glad I have Grammie as a constant reminder of a good mommy and all the other examples in my life. Celebrating this day was wonderful. Staying till the end of church and taking my cookies from the deacon was amazing. Sometimes it's hard to imagine that's it has all happened. But it has... you are here, you are ours and I'm your mommy! Love you Max!

The First moment I became a mom
5:02 pm on Sunday, December 7, 2008

Our Second Day Together

One Week Later...

Our First Month as mommy and son
January

February

March

April

And our First Mother's Day Together!

After Church on Mother Day's we drove up to St. George with your Auntie Andrea to visit your Grammie's and wish them a Happy Mothers Day too! You also had your first adventure swinging on the the swing set in Aunt Andrea's mom's backyard. You loved it! You are fearless!