It only took 10 school days...

Dear Max,
Well, you broke a little piece of my heart today.  Before you get too worried, I'll let you know that I'm really just being dramatic.  But it's true, my heart sunk to my feet this morning as we were walking to Kindergarten on the 10th school day, and you turned to me and said, "Mom, you can just drop me at the gate, I don't need you to walk me in." WHAT?!?!  You don't need me?  That's all I heard, you don't need me!  Now, I know this is not true, cause trust me I'm still doing things for you that no mother of a 5 year old should have to do (wipe when it's a real doosey...if you know what I mean!) but that you don't need me to walk you ALL the way to Kindergarten.  That's a tough one to take.  I'll tell you a secret, I stood behind the wall, so you couldn't see me and watched you walk all the way into your classroom.  I'm sure I looked like a creeper, or maybe other moms saw me, and said to themselves, "Oh, that poor mom is experiencing her first "Mom, I don't need you" moment." I love you Max!  With all my heart!!!

Love,

Mom

We got a sleepwalker on our hands....

Dear Max,
It all started about 3 weeks ago.  Dad and I had just settled in for a nice evening of catching up on our favorite TV shows.  You were tucked into bed, sawing logs and Daddy and I were tucked into our chairs enjoying the silence of the home.  You had been asleep for a couple of hours, and then I hear your door open and you start coming down the stairs.  You were a bit frantic and crying.  I figured you'd had a nightmare, so in my Mommy instincts kicked and immediately summoned you over to snuggle.  You headed my way, but came to the side of my chair, pulled down your pants and started to PEE on me!!!  I'm not making this up!  I'm serious!  I screamed in horror as I hadn't had "Max Pee" on me since your were a tiny baby!  Your Dad...Yup, he was in his chair laughing hysterically.  Sure looking back now, I can see the humor, but at the time, I was not laughing.  I screamed for you to stop, and put my hand over your "private square" all while walking you into the bathroom to finish what you stared.  That's when I realized, you were not awake.  You were sound asleep, I literally held you up to finish going to the bathroom, and then took you back upstairs.  While walking you back upstairs, your Daddy had already gotten out the carpet cleaner and was cleaning up the mess.  That made it very easy to forgive his laughter during the "incident" - Your Daddy and I have gotten a few laughs in since then about that night.  But was totally strange to me was that the next morning, you had ZERO recollection about the "incident" - sleep walking crossed my mind, but it was the first time anything like this had happened, so truly I just discounted it.  Well, then last night in my haze of sickness and falling asleep, I hear footsteps in the house.  I of course wake up Daddy and ask if he will investigate what is happening, as I fear someone is in the house.  Your Dad sure does love me, cause he didn't hear a thing but at my request he set out to investigate.  He checked your room first, and you were not there, I'm sure this is when panic set in for Dad.  He headed downstairs and then he could hear you crying.  He found you downstairs in the laundry room bathroom just standing there totally lost, confused on how you got there and bawling.  He picked you up and as soon as he had you in his arms, you fell fast asleep.  Of course I was a nervous wreck thinking of all the millions of outcomes that could take place with you just getting up walking around the house, you could walk out the front door, the back door, the garage door, you could pick up a knife, scissors, put a screwdriver in an electric outlet!  There is no telling what you could have done?!?!  I mean, the possibilities of those things are slim, considering you just walked down to the bathroom, but still!  IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED!  So I suggested what any Mom with an overactive imagination would have.  I'll make a bed on the floor by my bed for you to sleep!  Oh and then started a conversation with Dad about installing extra locks on all the doors so you can't walk out of the house!  Safety first!  I love you Max!  I love the joy, laughter, excitement, adventure and surprises you teach and bring to our family!


Love,


Mom

It was the shrimp...

Dear Max -
Oh boy!  I hit an all time sickness high for myself...it all started...I went away for a night with some friends from our ward, a little girls / mommy get away.  We went up to St. George to go shopping.  You and Daddy along with Tova stayed home (I'll let Dad fill you in on those details).  We left on Friday and stayed the night at Grammie's house then came home on Saturday.  It is always so fun to spend time with these ladies.  We served in the young women's presidency when our family first moved into the Aliante ward, we only served together for a little under a year, but we have been connected for 7 years now.  We meet each month for dinner and each year we go on a little get away.  This one was focused around preparing for one of our former young women's wedding receptions that we are helping her throw.  We shopped and shopped and shopped some more...my focus beyond the wedding stuff is finding stuff to re-do your bedroom.  I feel like your getting ready to go to Kindergarten in the fall, and a "big kid" room is just what is in order!  I found some really cute things that I'm super excited about.  And really excited that I get to sew and make your curtains and bedspread.  I'm looking forward to personally making these things for my son!  Well, it was all fun and game until dinner Saturday night, and I chose to order the "Shrimp Add on, for only $2.99 more".  It didn't hit me at first, it wasn't until I got home, went to bed and woke up the next morning that the little shrimp devils wrecked their havoc on me.  I seriously have never wanted to give up on life more, than when I was laying on the bathroom floor with the food I ate at our wedding in 1999 coming out of my system.  It was bad, probably more detail than you wanted to know?  However, it may all be seared into your brain, cause you were very curious as to what was happening with Mommy, and then very concerned when you saw the state I was in.  I quickly sent text messages out to all parties involved with my Sunday to let them know that this Momma was not going anywhere today!  Daddy asked Brother Howard (AJ and Courtney's Dad) to come over and they gave me a blessing.  I'm so grateful for the restored gospel and the priesthood power that is available to us!  I'm forever grateful for our Daddy and that he upholds his priesthood authority to serve others.  Daddy got you ready and took you to church all by himself, which as a Mommy made my heart swell.  As you were getting ready to leave I asked you to come over by the bed so I could see how handsome you looked, when you came over you brought me your favorite Blue Teddy Bear that Tova gave you, and said that I should snuggle with it while your gone to make me feel better.  I am already in a fragile emotional state, but that touched my heart so much that you were concerned that much about your Mommy.  When you guys came home from church it was a quick change and then off everyone went to the Kendall's for the Super Bowl Party.  I of course stayed home.  When you guys got home from the party, I was of course in bed.  I think this was concerning yet again for you, to see your Mommy not leave bed for an entire day.  I had started to feel a little bit better, I asked you if you would get me a drink of water.  You came up stairs to my bedside with, a red cup filled with ice chips, another red cup filled with water, an orange and the orange peeler along with a paper plate.  I was so impressed by your balancing skills to get all this upstairs.  I believe you were equally impressed that is all made it!  You quickly took some ice chips out of the cup and put them in a Kleenex and advised me to put this on my head to make it feel better.  You then started to peel the orange, your awkward little hands trying so hard not to mutilate the orange in this difficult process.  And my churning stomach, pleading with "Murphy" that you would mutilate it beyond consumption, because the last thing I could possibly imagine was consuming an orange.  However, I was I to refuse such a sweet offering with such a pure intent?  I looked as the orange would squirt it's citrus in your face, and you would flinch in pain.  So determined to do this for your Mommy.  You got a portion of it pealed and put forward your hand with what at this point just looked like a fire dart of pain to me, and said "Here Mom, eat it, it will make you better!" Or will it.  I suggested we split it, which you were game for!  You took one portion, I took the other, and well...let's just say with a slip of the hand and a quick distraction my portion of the orange ended back up on the plate.  The intent was the most beautiful, gentle, pure and compassionate gesture I could have asked for!  I'm so very grateful and blessed that you have a desire to serve and can see a need and want to care for others.  This is a beautiful quality that I pray you will develop further and will never lose.  Max, it is when your serving others that you are truly helping yourself.  Always look for opportunities to make others lives better, you will be blessed for it.  I love you with all my heart!


Love,

Mom
 

Families are Forever

Dear Max,
Last Sunday you were asked to stand up in Primary today and tell about your family and share something that you like to do with your family.  I had heard that some kids had brought small pictures that were hard for the kids to see, so I went and had a 8x10 printed of our family at Disney Land, including Tova.  Friday I started talking to you about how on Sunday you are going to get up and talk about our family, tell who is in our family and something we like to do together, I could barely get my sentence out and you are telling me..."Mom, I got this, I got this!" and didn't want any further instruction from me.  We practiced Saturday evening and again Sunday before church, and you had it down.  Each time we practiced, you held up the picture of our family, and Said, "My name is Max, this is my family, my daddy, mommy, Bentley and my sister Tova from Sweeden.  I like to play Jenga with my family" PERFECT!  Well, we get to church and the nerves set in.  You're telling me how you don't want to go up there anymore!  WHAT?!?!?  I'm giving you words of encouragement, reminding you how confident you are and that you got this!  It was time for you to get up, Dad and I proudly sitting in the back, silently cheering you on.  Your sweet primary teacher, Sister Fox came up with you to stand by for moral support.  And then you began..."My name is Max" (perfect, so far so good!) you held up the picture of our family and then it began...the rest of your talk.  "You should listen to your mommy, be careful and hold her hand when you cross the street, she wants you to be safe and careful. Don't fight with your brothers and be confident!  In the name of Jesus Christ Amen!" Then Sister Bott says, can you tell us who is in your family?  "Yup, my mommy, daddy, Bentley and me!" And you sat down!  It was awesome.  You were so proud of yourself and you did such a great job!  I guess our family is all about mommy giving you advice and direction...so that is what you told them.  I'm so very grateful that "you got this!" and that we are a forever family.  I'm so proud of you for getting up there today and telling about our family!  You make me smile every moment of every day!  I love you Max!

Love,

Mommy

The "binder" helps me remember...

Dear Max -
What a joy being your mother is.  I decided that I need to pull out your binder from the hospital at least once a week and reread the medical journal that was kept by your doctors when you were born.  I'm grateful to have these writings documenting the 19 days prior to Daddy and I getting there.  Those 19 days of fighting you did.  My mind fills with millions of thoughts on the different outcomes that could have taken place, the "what ifs" all the decisions that were made, who made them and who didn't make them.  It's hard not to let my mind go to what feels like the millions of different outcomes that could have been.  But then my soul fills with peace, because all is exactly the way it was intended, you are here to be our son.  I don't pull this binder out often enough, only really when we are going to see a new doctor so they will have a full scope of your life.  And today we went to see Dr. Maller, she is a neurology specialist.  Don't get too ahead of yourself, we didn't go get your "brain" checked out cause your crazy...that is not a neurological issue, that's a "Max" issue!  We went on the orders of Dr. Downey because your still walking up on your toes, which can be anything from a habit to a neurological or developmental issue.  All went well at Dr. Maller's, it's nothing neurological or developmental, it is all in habit.  She suggested some hightop shoes, which I'm sure you will hate!  Because the other reason we went to see her is to discuss your sensitive feet.  She assured us that you definitely have sensitive feet, but to work with you on this by not giving in to your requests for no shoes or socks.  We must "power through"!  I suggested she come and hang out with you in the mornings when were getting ready and see how Dr. Maller feels about "powering through"!  She said to Daddy and I how very proud she is of the young boy you are growing into.  She said that given the rough start that you had, you are a well adjusted and behaved child!  Way to go Max!!  Well, after all this the take away for me...take out the binder more often!  In moments of frustration and weakness, it's a great reminder that we can do hard things as a family!  I love you Max!

Love,
Mom

I'm Sorry...

Dear Max -
I must first and foremost apologize for not writing you for so long!  It's hard to believe it has been 3 years since I've written, the time has truly gone so fast.  I'll try to fill in the gaps as we go.  I started reading different entries to you the other day and the joy on your face seeing "baby max" and hearing my thoughts was just the reminder I needed that not a moment more can pass by without putting the words down to look back on.  I promise to do better and to keep you up to date as best as I can!  Remember, mommy isn't perfect and this is a great example of that!  I love you Max, and I love that you love hearing my words.

Love,
Mom

Disney Land

Dear Max,
Its always a great day in Disney Land!  And today was no exception.  I'm exhausted and I'm not sure if walking again will ever be in my future.  So this is only our 2nd time with you at Disney Land without a stroller, all other trips have included the stroller and Disney Land with no stroller is a lot of fun.  However, the last time was a tad stressful because your at that stage where you are not going to just walk right by us and hold our hands, and we understand that.  But your not old enough to be on your own.  So I had a great solution...I decided to write our cell phone number on your stomach, and then told you if you ever lost us during the day to find the people with a Mickey Mouse name tag and tell them you can't find your mommy and daddy and then lift up your shirt and show them our cell phone number.  I'm pretty sure you think we are crazy?  Right!  We probably are.  I'm pretty sure Tova thinks were nuts!  She was laughing when Dad had you laying on the bed in the hotel room while he's writing our number on you with a ball point pen.  But hey!  Better safe than sorry!

Life it just more magical in Disney Land.  A couple of note worthy moments from my eyes today...I've always wanted to go see the Disney Junior stage show, we've always seemed to miss it during our past trips, but this time we made time for it. It was a stage show with all your favorite shows, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Sophia the First and Jake and the Never land Pirates.  Seriously, I don't know what it is, but seeing these things through your eyes, it seriously brings tears into my eyes.  Daddy sat on the floor with you and Tova and I sat in the back on a bench.  I'm so glad I got to watch the show while watching you.  To see your face light up when the characters come to the stage, and to watch you be a part of the show it awesome.  At one point they had all the kids say magic words to try to get it to snow, and when you all said it they made it start snowing.  I'm not kidding, when I looked at the excitement on your face that you thought you made it snow...I started to tear up!  I'm such a weepy mom!  The other difference on this trip...you were scared of EVERY ride.  We were in Disney Land last June and you went on EVERYTHING!  Hollywood Tower of Terror, Space Mountain, Soaring over California.  Everything and love the rides.  So I thought it was a great idea to take you on Splash Mountain.  You had enjoyed the big rides so much last time, why wouldn't you like them this time...Well, I may have ruined you.  When I saw this picture, it said it all!  I figured, your tall enough, it's a fun ride...you'll love it!  Nope, the question after every ride became.  "Mom, does this ride have a big waterfall?  If it does, I don't want to go on it!"

Well, you survived Splash Mountain and when I say you, I mean you...just you...your shirt, shoes, pants, jacket and underware did not.  You were soaked!  So the rest of the day you spent in your new Monsters University Jammies and Disney Land Unders!  LUCKY!!  You are the funnest kid to be around, most of the time...you did get tired during the day and Daddy was able to get you to fall asleep for a quick nap which was great to keep you energized for the evening.  We met up with our friend Brian for dinner and then watched the fireworks.  I could really go anywhere with you Max, but Disney Land is always a Magical day together!  I love you!


Love,


Mom